Words I No Longer Use
Today, due to the virus pandemic, I celebrated one of my past coaches (Kathleen’s) 75th birthday via Zoom. Prior to the call, I had some time to ponder some the learnings she had introduced to me.
One of the lessons that jumped into my consciousness was Kathleen’s constant gentle reminders to change my language. No, not from English to Spanish or Chinese, but rather the use of certain negative words that produced negative thoughts and energies which then produced negative feelings and behaviors.
Words like struggle, should, and can’t.
In the past, I’ve had a tendency to select and stay with words that hold power for me or that I repeatedly hear others saying. I think language repetition is unconscious for many people.
When I was a young teenage girl, I remember a dinner table explosion from my father. I was rambling along telling a story using “ya know”. At the time, this seemed to be a favorite phrase of mine, and was most likely a phrase said by my friends.
In sheer exasperation, my father rocked the table and exclaimed, “NO, I DON’T KNOW!” after my numerous repetitions. I was stunned, not aware I was saying that phrase over and over and of course, not assuming my father “did know”. It was a filler or catch phase, used by my generation, and was unconscious and lazy - making assumptions about the listener and limiting my language.
It was the first time, I really “thought” about the words I was using, and I worked hard (especially when communicating with my family) to eliminate that phrase from my vocabulary.
However, it wasn’t until many years later, that I started really connecting the dots on the power of words – their energetic impact on the listener and the teller as well as their inferred and direct meaning.
Kathleen was instrumental in helping me “see” this power. Once, she gently suggested that I replace the word “struggle” (which I used repeatedly) with a different word. I replaced it with “challenge” and suddenly the concept felt much better. Not so heavy, not so painful, but inferring a temporary process of discovery and exploration that would result in a constructive overcoming. The feeling was now different and my brain also saw the concept as different. The word, “struggle” is now comfortably banished from my vocabulary.
Now don’t get me wrong….the challenges are still there, but the negative, ongoing, oppressive feeling of struggle is not.
This awareness led me to become more conscious about other words I use that create a heavy, burdensome, or negative feeling. Words such as: can’t; should; need to; have to; have been replaced by positive thought words such as,”let me explore that”, and “I get to”.
What a difference this has made in how I think and speak. Today, in my communication, I regularly look for words that inflict negative thoughts or oppressive feelings, so I can redesign my language and actions to reflect inspiration, opportunities and positive thinking instead of exhaustion, burdens and pain. I believe changing my words will change my brain – all for the better.
Words matter and you matter. I’d love to hear your perceptions about the power of words. Please send your comments to info@sandboxology.com.
To possibility and the elimination of “yada, yada”!
